9 Major First Year of Marriage ProblemsFavorite
You’re finally married! In the months leading up to your wedding, there was excitement and romance. The entire engagement has been a blissful time and everything you experienced together during that time was all about happiness. Once you are married, you begin to adjust to living life together every day. You experience working, paying bills, deciding on decorating your home, and maybe even a few more first year of marriage problems. These issues are something most couples need to work on to make everything run smoothly. It actually will help build a strong foundation for your lives. Here are the most common problems and how to deal with them.
First Year of Marriage Problems That You Always Argue About
Until now, all the money you made was yours and you were responsible for paying your own bills and saving your money. Now you need to work with shared finances, money, and bills. Plus, you will both need to save money together for future purchases. This can be a very stressful adjustment. It is one of the top first year of marriage issues and you are not alone in your struggles.
Solution: Youneed to sit down with your new spouse and find some common goals. Discuss some things you each want to do with your money personally and as a couple. Make a plan on short-term and long-term spending and saving plans. Take some time to discuss who will pay the bills and a good reminder system of when they need paying. You should also decide if you will keep separate accounts or a joint bank account.
Holidays and Family
This one is another very common first year of marriage problems. You have been used to going to your mom’s for Christmas, and when he was single he went to his mom’s for Christmas. Now you have two sets of moms and families to spend time with. This can lead to arguments over whose family is more important on holidays.
Solution: Some couples choose to alternate one side every other year. One Christmas may be with your family and the next with your spouse’s family. This works if your families live out of town. If your family’s are close by, maybe split the day in half going to one side for the first half of the day and the other side for the second half.
Romance and Intimacy
The first few weeks or months are intriguing as you discover each other romantically. Deeper into your first year of marriage, you will notice that intimacy and romance become more distant as you deal with adjusting to life with a partner. You will both find yourselves very busy with work, home life, and social obligations. You’re often too tired at the end of each day to have enough energy for romance and sex.
Solution: A good way to keep yourself from losing the romance in your marriage is to make time for each other. It takes some work, but is worth the effort. Make a “date night” every week where you go out somewhere fun or even a quiet dinner together at home. During this time, disconnect from the outside world, phones, and internet. Light some candles and put on some romantic music.
Friends and Social Life
Before you were married, your friends meant everything to you. You went everywhere together and social functions took up a lot of your time. You both feel like you need to keep your relationships outside of your marriage the same, but it isn’t always possible.
Solution: Set a night each week in your schedule for time with friends, but no more than one night. Find married or partnered friends and do “double dates.” Try to include each other in your time with friends and explain to your friends gently that you just need “nesting time” together.
Making decisions can be one of the hardest first year of marriage problems. As a single person, you make all your own decisions for you and you only. While dating, you do decide on some things together and that always seems to be easier than after the wedding. Decision making together every single day from who does what household chores to how you will spend money, and who cooks dinner can get pretty complicated. You both may have been raised with different sets of family values and disagreements can result.
As a married couple, all decisions will have to come from both of you not just one of you. Learn to compromise, but also learn to voice what you want. Never discuss major decisions when you are tired, sick, or in a bad mood. Save discussions and decision making when you both feel positive and refreshed.
Habits That Annoy You
“He used to laugh out loud and I like it so much because it’s so adorable. But why do I find it so annoying now that we are married and living together for 3 months?” “Why doesn’t he wash his oily hair?” Sounds familiar? You are not alone. Many newly-weds find habits of the love of his/her life become annoying, especially after you live under the same roof every day.
Solution: The solution is simple! Know that it’s just who they are; the same person that you fall in love with! Learn to live with his/her quirks and when you really can’t put up with it, talk to your partner! There’s nothing that you can’t work out together.
For those couples who are both working, this is one of the most common first year of marriage problems because schedules can be tight. Who should wash the dishes? Who should do the dry-cleaning?
Well the truth is in marriage life, there’s just no such thing as clear-cut responsibilities. You two are a team and should work together to maintain family life. Try dividing the chores according to your strengths and limit your complaints. Doing chores together is the perfect choice for bonding! Of course to make things fair, you need to discuss expectations and even make a chore schedule.
Lack of Personal Time
“God how I miss the time when I can be alone whenever I want and do whatever I like!” Spending your life with another person is what marriage means and if you really need to be alone, just tell him/her and go to a quiet place to enjoy some alone time.
Even better, you two can sit or lie quietly and do the things that you like without disturbing one another. Set a fixed time every day for that. For example, you read a book and she experiments with a drawing technique. In a word, marriage life needs compromises and you can always find a way to keep you old hobbies.
Though not everyone has to deal with horrible in-laws, but there’s got to be points where you and your in-laws’ personalities clash. Being part of the big family, you can’t just say and do whatever that you feel like.
Solution: Always remember to keep open communication and maintain a respectful attitude towards your spouse’s parents. If you are not getting along with his/her parents, it would be hard for your spouse to find a balance in between. But also remember that you should set boundaries and be clear about how much in-laws should interfere with your marital life.
Tips for Handling First Year of Marriage Problems
Build your foundation early on
Once those rings are on your fingers, you are now officially partners for life. This means a strong commitment to each other and a strong commitment to building a strong relationship. This means thinking of your spouse every day, protecting his or her self-esteem, and nurturing them.
Be fun to live with
No one wants to live with a grump. Be fun and positive. Accept your spouse for who they are and try not to complain or criticize too much. Do something fun with your spouse every day, laugh together, and enjoy each other.
Avoid being clingy or possessive
Spouses aren’t property they are partners. Take time to be individuals as much as you take time to be a couple. You don’t have to do every single thing together. Being too clingy or possessive may drive your partner away.
When things get rough, think about your future
The hurdles you go through in the beginning of a marriage actually prepare you well for your future. When it seems too tough to manage, shift your thinking to your future together. Talk about your dreams. A house. Kids. Vacations you want to take.