9 Tips for Asking Her Father for Permission to Marry

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Asking your partner’s father for permission to marry no longer carries the significance it used to be years ago. Whether you are on board with this long tradition of gaining the approval from the father, or want to show your respect to your partner’s family, there are a few tips you will want to know before asking father's permission to marry.

Things You Must Know About Asking Father for Permission to Marry

1

You Want to Talk With Your Significant Other First

Before jumping the gun and sitting down with her father, you want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Have you and your partner discussed your views on marriage? Are you both ready for the commitment? Does your girl want you to do that? Before you take the leap and ask the father for permission, you want to make sure you will not get a "No" from your partner first.

2

Meet Him Before Your Ask

It is always a good idea to have met your partner’s parents prior to popping the question. Getting to know the parents will make discussing your intentions of marrying their daughter a lot easier. When you have a relationship established with the parents, it will make you feel less stressful and add more success because you have gained a much better idea of how to approach him to have this conversation.

3

Do Your Best to Meet Him in Person

Not all scenarios will allow you to meet with the father one on one, but when you are going to ask permission, you should do your best to talk to him in person. How you go about planning the discussion will depend on the type of person he is. Dinner can be a great option or just ask to talk to him in private when he has a free moment. You want to have the asking father for permission conversation in a comfortable and more relaxed environment to help relieve your nerves.

4

Make Your Feelings for His Daughter Known

One of the best ways you can begin this conversation is by expressing your feeling for his daughter first. Let him know how important your partner is to you and all her good qualities. This is any easy way to compliment him while pointing out the things you love about his daughter. After all, he did raise her and a number of her good qualities are a reflection of his good parenting.

5

Express Your Intentions to Marry His Daughter

You have already eased him into the marriage prospect and now is the time to let him know about your intentions. You want to make sure you do your best to let him know how committed you are to her, and how marrying his daughter would make you the happiest person in the world. Let him know that you take marriage very seriously and you are ready for the commitment.

6

Reassure Him That You Will Take Care Of His Daughter

You want to make sure that you gain his confidence and trust in you. Be as honest about your intentions of taking care of his daughter as possible. Give him reasons to believe that you are able to take care of her. Since he has been the one taking care of her for her life before, you want to be able to prove to him that you will take just as good care of her as he has when asking father for permission to marry his daughter.

7

Now It Is Time to Ask

You want to ask for his blessing in the most respectful manner. Simply ask for his support and blessing to take his daughter’s hand in marriage.

8

What Happens If He Says NO?

It can be difficult to imagine your partner’s father telling you ‘NO’, but this is one outcome that can happen. Although you may have the vision of being happily welcomed into the family, you should also be prepared for a no. In this case, you want to remain calm and ask why. Do your best to change his mind if you think the reasoning is wrong. If they hold their ground on their decision, then you need to decide whether you ask her to marry you anyway, or you leave her alone.

9

Things You Should Not Do When Asking Father Permission To Marry

There are a few things you should avoid doing in order to make best impression on the father or parents. Below are some to remember NOT to do when you ask permission to marry.

  • Avoid asking in an email. Make every attempt you possibly can to arrange a one on one meeting to ask for permission; if it is seemingly impossible, then a phone call can be acceptable. Emails, however, are never the way you want to approach this significant question.

  • Don't forget your dress. Dress to impress even if you are already on the parents' good side. This is a serious discussion and dressing in nice clothing and being presentable will prove your point on how serious you take marriage further. How dressed up you need to get will, again however, depend on the type of person the father is. Sometimes a suit and tie is necessary when asking father for permission to marry, and sometimes a nice dress shirt and slacks are appropriate.

  • Don't forget her mother. The tradition of asking the father for permission stems back to days where the man ran most of the family affairs. This, however, is not how things are typically done nowadays. It can be a better idea, to plan a meeting with both parents. Make arrangements where both parents can sit down to discuss your question. If the parents are separated, than make time to meet with them both separately.